deviantART

 

A Throwback to Older Days 4 by ~alecrene:iconalecrene:



i woke up this morning
had an irresistible urge not to
did anyways   

third day in a row of missing deadlines
the stress pangs, it fades   

slow rhythmic breathing
a mantra
the ocean ebbs   

“in a few weeks,
all of this will be a speck  
in the corner of my eye,”  

comforting myself  
logic can kill my emotions  

“i’ll go on living no matter what happens,  
no matter... what happens...”   

slow rhythmic breathing  
a mantra
the ocean ebbs from my chest   

attacks of anxiety
like tapping on my shoulder  
like a phone call from an ex-girlfriend
like police lights in the rearview
like a dream where my teeth fall out  
it’s not okay...  

slow rhythmic breathing  
a verse
the ocean ebbs from my eyes   

laying there
trying to get out of bed
trying to feel ok  
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Details
Submitted: October 9, 2007
File Size: 1.3 KB
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 0
Favourites & Collections: 0

Views
Total: 26
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 1
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

This one was written about six months ago. This one still hits me in a vulnerable spot, because I sometimes still feel exactly what this poem is saying, but only when I wake up. Getting out of bed is something that can be very hard for me to do sometimes.

I think this is one of the more personally lucid things I've written though I don't think others will get the same things from it that I get from it, so I'll clarify a few little things for those weak of the literary analyst heart. If you want to take your own meaning from it, stop reading right here.

***
***
***
The first time I say "the ocean ebbs" I am talking about breathing outwards and trying to let things go from my mind. The second time I say it I am talking about a quick panicky elated sensation in my chest, the kind you get when you realize something troubling. The third time I say it I am talking about tears physically coming to my eyes. As you can probably infer, "the ocean" refers to all of my troubles and how I am trying to mentally escape them.

You can also see in each refrain how my efforts at trying to mentally reassure myself get a little weaker. I have things I tell myself which are "mantras" but then they weaken to just become a "verse." It's trying to show how my willpower succumbs to the virulent idea of futility. At first I believe that I have some reason to wake up, and that I can break out of my mindset, but as I keep trying, it turns out that the act of trying to break out of that mindset just makes things feel more futile than before.

Hopefully that doesn't ruin the interpretation of the poem.
***
***
***
[x]

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

No comments have been added yet.

[x]

Site Map